The No-Carnival Survival Kit
The Loss of Carnival (Part 3)
In Part 1 we discussed the gravity of its loss and in Part 2 we explored our renewed commitment never to miss it again. While it may be “informative” to engage in these ethereal and nostalgic discussions, it still leaves us with the question of what to do now? At this time last year, we was ready to go; the fete schedules were all but carved in stone, ready to be delivered from the summit of Mount Bacchanal by Saint Montano. This time last year, those of you in the fitness crowd had timed your diet and exercise programs to ensure that your physical fitness peaked sometime J’ouvert morning. This time last year, the costumes had been paid for, the favorite songs had been selected, plane tickets had been ticketed, hotel bookings had been booked, the crew had been gathered and the coolers had been packed. But what now? On Monday February 15th and Tuesday February 16th 2021, what are we supposed to do? And if we usually start suffering Carnival tabanca on Ash Thursday morning, then what sort of crushing withdrawal can we expect on 2/18/2021?
Well, all is not lost. Vaccines are slowly being administered and we are learning to deal with the new reality. In the interim, here are some things that you can do to survive this year. Consider this list a Carnival Survival Guide...we are Showtime but during the Loss of 2021 we are also members of the “Loss” Tribe.
Create a carnival creche: Create a carnival nativity corner. If you think that a physical monument will cause concerns that you have converted to pantheism or animism, then make it virtual and replace physical artifacts with photos. What shall go into this creche? Well the answer will vary from individual to individual but we all have carnival paraphernalia and talismans from years gone by; that champagne glass from Moet Rocks, that bandanna from red ants, that Showtime headdress and wings. Set up your little carnival shrine and pour one out for the loss of 2021.
Organize your photos: Is your carnival photo album in shambles? Well, now is the time to fix that. Download those photos from your phone, follow up with the friends who STILL have not sent you those photos from Machel Monday 2017, track down that video of you wining on Saucy Wow. Create a complex filing system with folders for each fete and sub-folders denoting levels of declining sobriety, once you are done you should be able to locate your drunkest photos within a few mouse clicks.
Don’t forget the music: Our artistes are still making good music, support your favorite artists by listening, liking, subscribing and sharing their music. Make your playlist and wine low in your kitchen.
Re-create the fete experience: Wake up at 1am, get dressed, have a maxi pick you up but an hour late to maintain fidelity to the recreation. Drive around the block but very slowly to simulate the traffic around the savannah then have the maxi drop you off back home. Wait outside your house for 15 – 45 minutes then have a friend or family member pat you down. Alternatively scale the back wall and storm your own house, this fete too expensive anyway. Once inside deploy the playlist you created in #3 above and play it loud enough to cause temporary hearing loss. You have effectively recreated the fete experience.
Get a head start on your fitness: You might have dodged a bullet. Even if Carnival was reinstated two months ago, would you have been in any condition to participate in the carnival marathon, or would your cardiovascular systems have crumbled trying to follow the parade route lugging around your quaranteens (the extra pounds you gained on lockdown)? For those of you who know you could be in better shape, you have extra time now. Make the next carnival your fittest carnival ever, whatever that might mean to you. Do not just consider your physical fitness, ensure that you are emotionally, mentally, and financially fit as well.
It is not perfect: Finally, remember that carnival is not perfect and this year you will be avoiding all its less enjoyable aspects, the chances of you inadvertently wining on a vagrant this year are almost zero, this year all your fetes will be all inclusive because all your fetes will be (should be) at home. This year your wallet will be fatter and your skin will not be sunburnt and you will realize that this too shall pass.
